


nowhere in between

by indefensibleselfindulgence



Category: Chainsaw Man (Manga)
Genre: Angst, During 82, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Missing Scene, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26191321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/pseuds/indefensibleselfindulgence
Summary: So he just won't move. He'll freeze, right here, for forever, and it won't be real.None of it will be real.
Relationships: Denji & Makima (Chainsaw Man)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 47





	nowhere in between

**Author's Note:**

> listen you just have to get it out of your system, you know? this one can just be for me. title from will wood and the tapeworms "dr.sunshine is dead."

“Don't be so stiff, I'll worry about you, you know.” 

Makima's voice is like nails on a chalk board, like every sound that comes out of her throat grates his ears until there's nothing but meat left. 

He can't move, for some reason. Denji doesn't even think she's doing anything, but if he moves that'll be accepting everything she says is real. So he just won't move. He'll freeze, right here, for forever, and it won't be real. 

None of it will be real.

He does want to move though, her head is still in his lap, fingers brushing around the chord in his chest. He wants to get as far from her as physically possible, to the other end of the world, and maybe if he does that everyone will still be there, Power and Aki, even Reze and Beam and Violence, and it won't be his fault anymore. None of this would be his fault anymore. 

It might not be- Makima said it wasn't, that she did everything- but it still feels like it's him. It's his fuck up. Like everything always has been. 

“Hey.” Her voice goes soft- softer then it ever has been maybe- though that doesn't stop it from hurting. “You look like you're trying to run away, huh?” The hand lifts all the way up to his face, fingers tapping under his eyes, and he can't even flinch away. He's never been this tired before in his life. “Confronting your past is always hard. Even if it's something simple like missing a date, or dragging all of your coworkers to hell. But I guess that's nothing compared to killing your father.” 

Right, that's on him too. 

Reze's probably dead somewhere. Makima probably killed her. Like she killed everything else. Beam and Violence are dead. Angel's arms are missing. Aki's- 

Power-

“I wouldn't know.” She continues, fingers brushing his eye lashes now. “About the father thing. No first hand experience, but I'm sure it's very sad.” 

Denji looks at her. 

Makima smiles. 

“There you are. Good boy.” Her hands leave his face. He lets out a shaky breath that just makes Makima giggle again. “Look at me, being so mean. You said you didn't want to think anymore and I'm giving you all of this baggage. Well.” She sits up suddenly, twisting until her chin is digging into his shoulder and she whispers right into his ear. “You already had it. I'm just helping you be more honest with yourself.” 

He thinks he might throw up. 

“I'm going to go clean up. You can lie down, if you want.” She stands, one singular fluid motion, before she wanders down the hall. Maybe, if he just stays very still, he can will his heart to stop. That would be okay, he thinks. Pochita- he's sorry. He's sorry. He's sorry. 

“I'll let you on the furniture. Since you're such a good boy.” Makima's voice echos from somewhere else, even though he can feel breath on his ear. 

He lies down, eventually. The couch isn't comfortable, but it fits him because he's still thin, even after all of those meals. The light is still on, and stings his eyes. It feels like he's been crying, but his face is dry. 

Everything feels empty. 

Power is still right outside the apartment but he can't even get up to get her. 

He can't do anything. 

“Good boy!” Makima is back, somewhere, clapping her hands together like she's talking to a baby. Maybe she is. Maybe none of it's real and he's still seven and there's still broken glass in his palms from when he smashed the bottle over his dad's head and maybe this is all just payback for that. Maybe that's it. 

But even if his eyes sting, and he's seeing bright spots that fill most of his vision, that's still Makima, and her boring ceiling. Still her painful voice. Still the sound of dogs shuffling around. 

“Want to sleep here? I'll keep you company.” She pats his leg and it feels like burning. “Keep you safe. You're so delicate right now. I wonder who's fault that is.” 

He can hear the smile in her voice. 

“Remember when you stayed with Power instead of going with me? I forgive you for that. In case you were worrying about that too.” 

His throat closes. 

He's sorry- He's sorry. He's sorry about everything. About being greedy enough to want anything in the first place. He's- 

“Get some rest, Denji.” 

**Author's Note:**

> who decided that the best tragedy of the decade should be in shonen jump of all places huh? what the fuck was up with that?
> 
> comments always very very appreciated
> 
> find me on[ tumblr ](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/) and [ twitter](https://twitter.com/miurmiurmiur)


End file.
